For those who know me, I have been here on a regular basis. The only time I haven't been on was due to my job and computer problems. I have been resuming my writings outside of Newgrounds as well as stuff for Newgrounds. Multiple interviews and projects that I have been working on. All of it is back logged though. Not posted, just sitting there.
I guess some of you might say why am I not just posting those now instead of this long arduous news post. Well for those who follow me, which being over 100 people who do, I feel you all are owed an explanation. First off, 100 people. Think about that for a moment. 100 people, visualize it. It is astounding that that many people wish to read the insights I find in the creative process as well as my ramblings. It flatters me deeply, but at the same time I would still be doing this if I had just 10 followers, or no followers, or even 1,000 followers. Numbers at the end of the day past 100 are too high for our brains to fully comprehend and fully visualize. The passion is what matters... which is the point of this news post because I have lost my passion.
Some of you here know me on a more personal level. You know that I have been going through quite a bit mentally the past couple of years. I've been battling depression for this time, I have had a few mental breakdowns, and have planned out my suicide, going back to a dark place in my mind that I don't like to go to. Where I wage war with my mind telling me that the only way to obtain peace is by a bullet through my head while the other part of me doesn't want to go yet and knows there is more I need to do before I leave this world.
I have been going through this for about 3 years now. It has been agonizing to say the least and at a time it just felt like a nuisance. The past couple of months though it has been getting worse and worse, up to that point once again. I have my good days, this being one of them. Most days though I'm just at home, lying about, no motivation do anything but sleep. Sleep gives me peace when writing used to.
I am slowly tearing myself apart and it is a horrible feeling. Some may say to just get over it. Believe me I wish I could, but I can't. For those who don't understand depression I am extremely happy for you, because if you don't understand it then you are not a potential candidate to feel the way I do right now and I hope you never do. For those who do understand will probably tell me to seek therapy and possibly start a form of medication. Those are routes that I am looking to possibly take in the near future, if anything it does beat the alternative.
In the meantime though, I'm going to try and get a lot of this stuff out to you guys as soon as I can. If anything I owe all of you something. I have interviews with supergandhi64, Troisnyx, and Tom Fulp all ready to go. All of this should be posted in the following weeks, depending on how things go on the other side of this screen.
Other than all of that, my birthday is coming up, July 14th. Also my Newgrounds anniversary September 2nd is coming up as well. So yeah for being on this little blue marble for another year. A bit surprised I made it this far to be honest.
So yeah, for those who follow me and actually read these things, sorry for my absence.